Now

As time goes on I realize I am no longer the little girl I once was.

As I turn 18, pick my college dorm, finally get that job, and prepare to graduate high school in less than 2 months, I realize that my childhood is gone.
Gone are the days where nothing really mattered to me and nothing bothered me.
The days where playing and eating candy was my number one priority are long gone.
Now I have tests to study for, job shifts, and more responsibility than I ever thought I would have.
I cannot deny that growing up is a good thing.
Everything has its time and right now my childhood playing and innocence is gone and I see the world in an entirely different light.
I feel unprepared and quite frankly immature to face the changes and steps that have come up in my life.
You always think you have more time, until you realize that all those years that you had, were not meant for pure enjoyment, they were to prepare you for the now.
And if you aren't prepared then you are out of luck.
Because that tomorrow has come.
I remember that time where all I wanted to do was grow up, wishing away the years so I could be a big kid.

I am not ready.

In my head I am still that little girl that just wants to wear dresses, play mommy, and live absolutely carefree.
But I guess that is why I am no longer that little girl.
I no longer have those childhood fantasies that I held onto for years.
Every moment in my life now is leading up to...something.
I just don't quite know what that is yet.